There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
