Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
vagina is talking i cant
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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