I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize