God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
