when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
