so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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