I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
