but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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