My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
