shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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