If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
