So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize