thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
