Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
