just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
