A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
soo... how was my night?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
