The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
