kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
