eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
