it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
