why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
God, you're like boner-b-gone
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
