i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize