Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
