I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My liver just had a heart attack.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
