totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
