What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
