kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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