He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I faked an abortion last night.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
