sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i think we sleep fucked last night...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
