I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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