I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
