the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
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