Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Shame - the story of my life.
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