I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
