And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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