I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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