did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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