They should really pass out barf bags in church
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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