She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
