I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
