The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
