I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
