Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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