I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
