my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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