soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
