I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
