i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
