so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
