Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
