I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
