Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
