Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
