Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
