i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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