I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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