hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
