I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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