Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
