i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
So. Much. Porn.
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