Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
