ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
