SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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