Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
