I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize