Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
