is your mom at the bar?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
