This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
