Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
