remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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