he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
