i don't like sucking hair
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
