singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
