her vagine was all disorganized.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
