Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
