This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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