i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
