apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
i think i just lost a toe
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