K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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